♫ Better watch out, you probably should cry. Probably should pout, here’s a good reason why. #ImpactNOTLive is comin, up NEXXXXXT!! ♫

#ImpactNOTLive This show has one thing that RAW allegedly doesn’t, Pyro.

#ImpactNOTLive Actually given how droll the announcers sound reading off the card, TNA probably just recycled the intro from an old episode

#ImpactNOTLive Whoa whoa Angle, this is Championship Thursday. You can’t just call people out, what do think this is, #NOCONTINUITYNIGHT?

#ImpactNOTLive Obviously not cause the TV title gets women & Roode’s $ RT @ceqhfw: @5CornersxSmootx so angle doesnt want the world title?

#ImpactNOTLive Angle’s Group and Aces8s are brawling outside. Brian Hebner tosses both groups because THAT’S feasible. #NOCONTINUITYTHURSDAY

#ImpactNOTLive Nothing seems to be able to stop the violent force of Aces & 8s, unless you’re Brian Hebner reffing a match.

#ImpactNOTLive Taz: “He didn’t just go after the leg, he went after the injured leg” | #DrTaz

#ImpactNOTLive Angle gets D-Von in the Anklelock, Aces8s and The Midcard Rascals come back out. D-von ends up retaining. An okay match.

#ImpactNOTLive Oh goodie, it’s time for the 5-Hour Energy segment of “Brooke Hogan tells YOU what draws money” #TNAwful

#ImpactNOTLive Not sure what happened but ODB said she can beat everybody in the room and then just left.

RT @TableofJapan – THANKS SPIKE FOR FULFILLING MY FINAL REQUEST. I’LL TAKE THAT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE #LOWDOWNPAYMENT #ALLCAPS #IMPACTLIVE

#ImpactNOTLive King: “What do you mean what happened last week? Kenny King won last week, that’s what happened!” | Impact, in a nutshell

#ImpactNOTLive King/RVD vs Morgan/Ryan, Odd pairings to say the least. Or as WWE would say, Eccentric

RT @TNACreative – Since @BPMattMorgan keeps wearing Hogan’s robe, the next logical step is to have him film a movie with Zeus! #ImpactTonight

#ImpactNOTLive Taz: “You can hear Ryan shouting from the corner…his voice sounded like he just hit puberty. That was weird”

#ImpactNOTLive Todd: “He’s hanging his stockings with care” | Taz: “Well you would know about his stockings…”

#ImpactNOTLive Taz: “See Joey Ryan drooling out of his mouth, don’t know why he’s doin that…”

#ImpactNOTLive King leaves RVD high and dry to eat a Carbon Footprint. Morgans gets the win. Best personification of “FUCK THIS MATCH” ever.

#ImpactNOTLive Kaz doesn’t care about AJ and says he has a special gift for his fans later tonight

#ImpactNOTLive Hogan: “It’s still 2012? Gotta be kidding me brother. You guys make me feel like I’m 18 again” | Well you’re fucking one.

RT @TNACreative – When @HulkHogan was actually 18 years old, the Mayans were still here and making their calender, Brother! #ImpactTonight

#ImpactNOTLive D-Von comes out & says 2012 wasn’t Hogan’s year, it was Aces8s. It’s also the year of Russo’s firing & EB getting shitted on

#ImpactNOTLive Bully Ray saves Hogan’s ass from getting rightfully molly-whopped. Hogan still is an ungrateful prick and doesn’t say thanks.

RT @Andy_Salcedo@5CornersxSmootx and Hogan’s sex tape views outdrew BFG buys

#ImpactNOTLive Tessmacher eliminated from “Brooke Hogan tells you what draws money”, probably cause she’s better with the name of Brooke

RT @WWEThatsNotPG@5CornersxSmootx Brooke Hogan couldn’t draw money with a paint by numbers kit

#ImpactNOTLive Kaz for his segment here has a Christmas Tree and the Throne used to dump horseshit on The Jarretts awhile back.

#ImpactNOTLive Taz: “Would you buy a used car from this guy, would you buy a NEW car from this guy?”

#ImpactNOTLive Taz: “I NEVER LIKED SANTA CLAUS!”

#ImpactNOTLive Daniels and Kaz got Santa Claus a pair of Zubaz. HE BETTER BE WEARING THEM WHEN HE’S GUEST HOSTING RAW MONDAY

#ImpactNOTLive This Santa Claus sounds like Todd Keneley’s creepy twin brother.

#ImpactNOTLive Storm: “Last year what did I ask for Christmas?” | Fans: “BEER!” | Santa: “Something country, a Travis Tritt CD?”

#ImpactNOTLive Todd: “And to all a good night” | Taz: “Thank goodness, that Santa’s one liners were killing me.” | Tell me about it.

#ImpactNOTLive After that, Aries backstage taking a shit on the concept of us being able to hear Jeff Hardy’s thoughts. PUSH THIS MAN!

RT @ThingsColeSays – Santa gets millions of Christmas gifts to deliver, how can he remember Storm’s off the top of his head? #ImpactLive #StillRealToMeDammit

RT @TNACreative@AustinAries tried LSD today. #ImpactTonight #ImpactLive #IMPACTWRESTLING

#ImpactNOTLive HA! The 1.3.13 promo is for Sting. Way to prematurely spoil his return and be predictable

#ImpactNOTLive D-Von proposes to reach out and get a smart muscly man to help their Bully Ray problems.

#ImpactNOTLive Brooke Hogan picks Mickie James to face Tara here for the KOs title. Velveeta understandably upset.

#ImpactNOTLive TAZ JUST HAD ONE OF THOSE “RAT DESPERATED IN A CORNER, C” MOMENTS WITH MR. PECTACULAR.

RT @Birdisthewyrd – so, Mickie James?RT @5CornersxSmootx: #ImpactNOTLive D-Von proposes to reach out and get a smart muscly man to help their Bully Ray problems

#ImpactNOTLive Todd: “Where’s that jovial jolly Taz?” | Taz: “Gone” | Tenay: “Jovial jolly Taz? You must be new”

#ImpactNOTLive Todd: “Mickie James very gay here” | WHAT!?

RT @DASharpshooters – Taz has been spouting nothing but gibberish during this Knockouts match. #ImpactLive #tna

#ImpactNOTLive Todd: “MickieDT, spiked her with that” | Taz: “MickieDT? Where do you get that?” | Todd: “I do my research” #COMMENHATIN

#ImpactNOTLive Oh look, Tara retains with Pectacular interference unseen by Taryn Terrell. Lame match we’ve seen numerous times now.

#ImpactNOTLive If so his “putting people over” needs more work. RT @MrDreknowsbest: @5CornersxSmootx Taz is doing his JBL impression tonight

#ImpactNOTLive We’re back and Joe Park is getting fussed out by his OVW coach. For as meta as this is, it’s kind of insulting.

RT @TableOfJapan – In two weeks of wrestling school, Park is a better wrestler than Garrett Bischoff and Jesse put together #ImpactLive

#ImpactNOTLive For as dull as this show’s been tonight, it’s kinda zipped on by

#ImpactNOTLive From the looks of it, should be busted open more often. RT @JOSEPHPARK_esq: How do you think my training is going?

#ImpactNOTLive TNA takes a commercial break right after Brian Hebner holds up title to start match. I’d have a problem if this was live.

#ImpactNOTLive We come back and we get the DING DING DING as subtle confirmation that we didn’t miss anything cause this show’s taped.

#ImpactNOTLive Taz: “Are you saying I’m wrong and that you’re right Todd, is that what you’re saying?”

#ImpactNOTLive Taz: “It was a rhetorical question, I didn’t feel like answering you to be honest” | #Commenhatin

RT @Chux4w – Oh yeah, #Impact. It’s possible that I spent the last two hours lost in TVTropes.com instead of paying attention.

#ImpactNOTLive Hardy knocks out the ref, Aries gets the upper hand, Stiffler counts 1, gets pulled by Roode, Roode clocks Aries.

#ImpactNOTLive Fans cheer Roode as if he’s a face. Hardy nails a Swanton, B. Hebner counts 3. A #TNAwful finish!

#ImpactNOTLive Hervey asks Hogan a bunch of questions, gets mad at the sight of Bully and Brooke making out by a car and Hogan leaves.

#ImpactNOTLive Well that was two hours. Sooner this show goes back to being the live lukewarm show again, the better.

#TNA Shouts: @FarFromForgot @WWEThatsNotPG @shanrcarter72 @ceqhfw @OliverBen @PuoNayda @karnuj @MrDreknowsbest

#TNA Shouts: @Cinimodyeslah @countryroadsguy @twiztidskull @birdisthewyrd @ZackZiggler @PoisonHeart1 @TwiZZo_7one8

#TNA Shouts: @EdSmith313 @KingWorldChamp @We_Mark_Out @Andy_Salcedo @woogieman95 @SierraNeroBrand @NotEdKaul

#TNA Shouts: @Diamondelle84 @KenzieJNY @Figure4HedgeHog @OniRokaku

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